Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
