That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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