Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There's always time for handjobs
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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