another moral hangover. fuck.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My pussy is not your playground.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
