no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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