my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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