I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
