Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
