Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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