I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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