You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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