She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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