So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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