I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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