The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Randomize
