he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
