Only a mothe r could love this liver
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
