if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
