I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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