he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
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We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize