Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
