Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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