remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
