we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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