Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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