Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
