when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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