peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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