I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
