I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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