So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
