My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
