I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
high people should be assigned attendants
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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