i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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