So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It was confusing and full of hummus
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
