you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
