Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
