Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
