No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
