i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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