I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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