my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
