What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
