Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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