We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize