Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
