youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
