I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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