we have pet lesbian snakes
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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