Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It was confusing and full of hummus
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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