Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Randomize
