The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
