I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
