Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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