Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you will always have a special place in my vag
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Watching her eat just hurts me
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
