Buhtt sex?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
