Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
