Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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