I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
