I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
