she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
