She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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