Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
