Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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