i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
