Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
