fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
