remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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