So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I touched a dick in church today
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
