last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my sisters under your porch take her home
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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