Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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