I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
