opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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