true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just invented taco cereal.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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