The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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