my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
thus making me awesome and them whores
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
