i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
