is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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